Some help, answers, thoughts for inquiring DRC adopting parents

some of the sweet ones from DRCAS

I have gotten about 4 or 5 emails a day in the past week asking for my input on working with DRCAS so i figured id just write a post them, then when i get an email ill point you here so here goes. ill do my best with basic info. if you want details feel free to email!  When we adopted Samuel we went independent  we had a facilitator in country and worked with DRCAS. They are now an agency so things for anyone now working with them will be different than when i did because we were adopting independently   There are many things that will be the same working with DRCAS now even though they are an agency and were not while i worked with them. Dont forget things have changed alot so im writing based on a person who went through them almost a year ago now. (the changes are all GOOD!)
**communication: GREAT.  Amy is ammmmmmmmazing (can i add more M's please) she was always right on top of emails, phone calls, texts anything.  She is also a mother who has adopted so she totally gets it. Shes honest, professional, real, gives good wisdom, is cautious and kind. She was wonderful to help us with all the crazy and confusing paper work and helped in that area as much as possible. Daniel is great too. i didnt work with her as much as i think parents do now but when i did she was great. I mean the lady used to work at the US embassy in DRC so she gets it!  Shes moral, truthful, wants ethical adoptions PERIOD! Shes great.
Our in country facilitator was great in a lot of ways, we actually ended up becoming personal friends in the end and had many special times during our month in the DRC.  Her communication was a struggle.  I have to imminently follow that with this ANY PERSON you are going to work with in country (living in the DRC)  you will struggle with communication.  Its just hard to communicate there, its either severe traffic that can hold you up on the Blvd. for hours, or a flood that makes the roads so muddy you cant drive and people don't go to work, or someone breaks the car window and steals stuff out of your lawyers front seat, or the powers out, the list goes on and on. Our facilitator was awesome in lots of ways but communication was hard. it went off and on depending on life in the DRC for her...but during our adoption process and living there for almost a month we realized that's just how it is. thats how almost every single in country person is,,,in one way or the other.  In the DRC NO ONE is on time NO ONE! no matter how awesome your in country person is they will all be late, most of the time. just when you give up then they will be on time! its cultural, its normal, its how it is in DRC is Congo time, its "ill be there at 9 for paper work" which really means around noon. This is often why things get slowed down also. Culture is different in the DRC from the USA but lets not be surprised at that, its around the world from us, things are gonna be different  So my point is DRCAS has great  in country people but dont expect things to happen or people to communicate with you like they do here in the USA!
**Ethical Stuff- I cant imagine and agency being more ethical. these lady's are in it for truth, justice, authenticity and honor to the children, families and country.  They have done major things in the past year to make sure of this.  Like only choosing to work with the most ethical lawyers and in country staff.  When you are working with a country like DRC ethics are loose, unknown  and often hard to trust.  Our time there showed us this big time.  Often ethics on DRCAS side were great but the stuff going on with the Congo side of things (government)...not as much. Again this will be a reality with any agency.  A few times i had some concerns i spoke to Amy and the girl was ON IT!  The thing about DRCAS that is awesome that most other agency's dont do is that they GO, they GO to the DRC, they learn, live, train, investigate and make sure things in country are truth filled and being done with ethics.  This is what makes DRCAS unique and a success!
**Price- Dont know what the fees are now as we did it independent and i know thats changed now. so contact DRCAS. When we went through a facilitator and lawyer it was very reasonable but still ended up being around $30,00 after hotel, airfare, visas, embassy fees etc.
*The reality-  I have to say the reality is if you choose to adopt from the DRC and my heart prays you do because the need is so great but please know you are going to be working with a country that is ranked one of the most dangerous and poor country's in the world.  It is a beloved country, filled with pieces of joy, amazing people and beauty but its desperate...and with that comes lies, deception and corruption   So the reality is you will face some battles, some errors in paper work, timeline issues and not much info on your child most likely, and things wont be smooth BUT in the end that child, his heart, his life will be a part of your family forever and it will be so well worth adopting through the DRC.  Its a hard program to adopt through compared to others, a hard country to travel to when you go get your child, but oh that child, that child who is already yours if you know it or not, its worth it!
DRCAS YES recommend them
DRC adoption hard Yes but recommend it YES
worth it all in the end YES i recommend it!
XO-Blair

some family's with DRCAS in December 2012 (most independent)!

Gained a pound and more

He gained a pound! when we got his referral in early june he was said to be 28 pounds. But today at his doctor apt. 29lbs baby! ya! that's his little update!
You know not a minute goes by i still cant believe hes here. How did God do it!? For any child to be brought in to social affairs in the DRC, put up for adoption, brought to an orphanage, paper work goes from the USA to the DRC, makes it through lots of courts, child gets passport, visa and exit letter and us parents stay a little bit sane through all is crazy!
Alot of days though i dont feel all that normal i feel a bit crazy and not totally sane. Having a new child is hard, its a new personality, a new person, a new heart, new habits, new sounds all of it, its hard its new.  New is fun though, its cool, exciting and all that stuff but its hard too.
An idea, a picture, an amazing kind of love for a person you haven't even meet yet it is VERY real its deep but then the next part comes...the process of FALLING IN LOVE with your new child.
Moments come where my heart burns with love and compassion for him, like burns, then other moments come and im wondering how will we do this. everything is different now everything feels off, everything seems like it will never mesh and unit.
Isnt it EASY as heck to let your head and emotions just GO...and they will fast... so i have to be careful. I have to put a horse bit in my emotional department to words/thoughts like "never" "always" "cant".  I called my BF a few years ago venting to her about my man (don't we all do that!) she listened nicely then said "OK STOP now tell me 3 things you love about him." that shut me up...she said "Blair the more you think of the negative thats what your heart will become for him, concentrate and think on the things you love and adore about him..." she went on with tons more awesome advice  but my point is its so much easier to get defeated, discouraged and beat down then to get on the knees.  Id rather vent, and boo hoo to my mom, hubs and friends before i get on my darn knees.  why am i so suborn, urrg thanks family genetics. (ill blame them)

So thats it i start to get on my knees.  I get down put my face down and start to shake life up. for me shaking life up is getting down on my knees... period. letting go letting HIM. shake shake
Humbling my self and straight saying i cant do it-but HE CAN, always does, always will, wants to...so ill just straight let HIM.
You know my boy Samuel Kade, he gained a pound today thats cool he also gained a mom who cant do it without getting on her knees.  Im not so good at being an adoptive mom, i struggle more than i thought i would but it keeps me on my knees...ya know. so i guess that's where my Jesus wants me...so ill stay.
I like knowing that He lets me get there...on my knees. He allows the valleys so ill take them, head first!

Samuel Kade~ pretty awesome kid, happy, smart, cute our Joy from above.  I love him, always will, pretty sure i always have! xo
Blair

That's right, look up

update

I cant wait till i have a quiet night to sit and do a good update on how samuel is doing but here is a quick one for friends out of town and adoptive mom friends and family's getting started in the adoption process....
-He LOVES life, like so much is weird! i wonder why is he SO happy (but thats another blog post)
-He is totally OBSESSED with his little brother (who is bigger than him in size)
-He loves his big sister, she carries him around the house like a baby doll and he pretends he is a baby girl and wears bows and all...shes happy with that!
-He goes to school mon-fri and loves it! He has learned to play with the kids in class who dont hurt him or push him and hes happy about that
-His English is crazy good, he learned it faster than my bio son who just turned 3. YIKES!
-He misses his friends in DRC, talks about his Anna, Mima and Patau OFTEN!
-He worships his dad. He stares at him, imitates him, dresses like him, talks to him on the pretend cell, and just totally cherishes him
-He has become a lover of Jesus! He told me that in Congo the momas told him God was mad at him and didnt like him, that God will come down from the clouds and yell at him cause he is bad, but he tells me now he knows Jesus lives in his tummy (AKA heart) and that Jesus loves Samuel cause Jesus is good, he tells me Jesus loves samuel and Samuel love Jesus!.... my heart is warm way down deep!!
-He is TINY, still a little 28 pounder at 4 years old, he hasn't gained a single pound since entering the McDonald's filled USA...we pray hell grown soon!
-He eats EVERY SINGLE THING NOW. we ignored his pickyness for long enough and guess what he caved and we didn't! He eats about 5 helpings at dinner,,,its awesome!
-He swims, plays tennis, all balls sports, is finally warming up to dogs and likes horses now too!
-He remembers everyone he meets AND their names, and will run to them the next time he sees them with a massive hug (which took him a while to learn how to do, hugging that is) and a greeting with the persons name, good with names and hugs....future YoungLife leaders??? well see :)

***How are we, as in mom and dad...thats another blog entry, but im anxious to post that stuff cause its hard, hard to admit, hard to write about but honesty is good right although its painful sometimes but oh very freeing.  We all need to be free right! so ill be honest about how we are doing next time i get to sit down and write!***

crazy about the pool

LOVES school

triple stroller NO ...by the way samuel CHOOSE that spot!

into shoes

buzz is his BF!

some insight on DRC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PTkWTb2-Jyc

pic story

 Still SO MUCH to tell, share and spill but for now here are some pics!

Samuel was scared, frozen, no eye contact...to be expected of course!

my heart was burning with love, zach was very emotional... Samuel was confused & unsure!

the St. Ann's fish tank helped

ill never forget this moment...he reached out and grabbed my hand, i almost fell over

he was SO thirsty... we loved being able to provide clean water for him.

looking out at his country, this face tells a big story

view from roof. 

LOVED his dad...day 2! fast love!

if he keeps looking up to this man hell be just fine in life!

Zach loved this boy so well each moment we were in the DRC! 

lets be real...samuel is FILLED with joy, laughter and love but man he can get a REAL attitude at times! but we all do right!

no room for modesty at st. anns.  the drying room is out for the world to see!

Samuel and his lady! 2 of the sweetest little kids ever! they played so kind all day everyday...forever friends, a precious bond. (both from the same orphanage and were adopted the same time!

natural fun!

3 weeks in the DRC a total Miracle getting home on DECEMBER 25th!

BOOM, Welcome to America... lets have Christmas...this was a lot for Samuel to take in, but he loved it!

Happy as can be! Micah on the other hand wanted more hot coco!

New Life, new start...thank you Jesus!

Pre-K 4... Monday-Friday. He LOVES IT thanks to his amazing teachers!! xo

He is adjusting to America and loves it! Of course life is by NO MEANS flawless but this child has a  heart of gold.  This journey/adventure of adoption continues to teach us the love of Jesus each day. The beauty of each of us being children adopted by God, into arms that want to care, provide, protect, share, teach and Love.  We like Samuel once were lost but now are found!

HE came...so that

We left December 2nd.  The heart of the start of the Christmas season.  Florida was cooling off (down to around 80!) our pencil tree was up, Christmas CD's were playing in our house and we were packing our suitcases for the DRC!  We were sad to leave but SO much more excited to finally be going to Africa to meet our new son!  As we drove out of town on the way to the airport i looked out of the truck window there was a Lexus, Mercedes, a nice Honda, a brand new SUV next to me and then behind us a nice black truck. I look at super target on the right, 4 banks filled with money, a gorgeous freeway and Christmas decoration up on all the stores.  Things that i see all the time.  My heart was oddly heavy as i knew we were leaving a country filled with things, all the things we could EVER need or imagine up or want.  My heart was pulling, questioning and wondering how can i wake up one day in a country like this and then fly 30 hours and be in a country that has NONE of the things? How could the world be so different.  How was this ok?

Day 9 in the Democratic Republic of Congo i looked at our God given son, everything about him was different that us, he layed on the floor throwing a tantrum, even his cry is different  he was scowling at me with his eyes, runny nose everywhere, skinny legs, big tummy and he was pissed at me...he wanted to sleep with all his new toys and i wouldn't let him.  He had to learn his toys wont leave, but he hated me for it.  I breathed in our mold infested room from day after day of flooding, i listened to yelling, screaming and honking outside our screened in room, i looked at our dirty hot pot and then over at our rommen noodles and my stomach turned at the thought of another dinner like that.  i looked outside at a mother begging some other Americans for money as she held her 3 small children skinnier then Samuel even.  I heard tears in the hallway as an adoptive mom told the story of her child's orphanage and the pain, hurt and abuse she saw.  I walked out for fresh air and saw a mother in a wheelchair holding a 1yr old and 2 yr old on her lap as her 5 yr old son pushed her through a muddy trash infested road and she begged with all her might for someone to help her.  I began to talk to my husband about the pain, the hurt, hunger, filth, hatred, and fear that we steeped into as we entered the DRC.  Why did we do this?  Why did we leave our 2 kids, our Christmas decorated house.  Why did we leave the clean town we live in to do this?  It was hard, uncomfortable, scary, different, annoying and discouraging.  It wasn't like home.  I looked over at our son who was at 30 minutes of tantruming and thought in my heart, we left the comfort of our home, family and life for this? why?

In less than one breath HE told me why....... The still small precious voice in my heart reminded me that HE ALSO left everything,  His Father, His heavenly Glorious home, His perfect existence, His sinless world for me!  He came to earth...SO THAT I might have life!  He came for me, so that i could live a life full of grace,   hope, joy, forgiveness, adventure and most of all deep true and real love.  He loved so much that He DID, He moved,  He loved, He came!  Jesus came so that I could have life.  Just like Samuels tantrum, gosh i do the same darn thing to God all the time. Here He offers me everything i could ever need,  He gives me a brand new life, a new start and i turn my back on Him over and over and scowl at Him just like Samuel did me.  I was and am still often the same.  An orphan in need of a loving Father.  An orphan who needs a fresh start, a new life, just like Samuel.  A person created in and with love who needs a savior to get me out of my dirty, yucky self filled life. 

I cant imagine how hard it was for Jesus to leave His Kingdom and come to earth.  I have a TINY idea now, a real small idea, but still no idea really.  But i know He choose to come.  He completely choose to because He loves.  He loves,  He loves!

Somewhere along the line of this adoption journey our hearts like totally and completely fell in love with this little boy in the DRC named Samuel.  I'm pretty sure i know who put that deep, passionate love in our hearts.  That crazy, psyco adoptive mom and dad kinda love.  Cause ill tell you if we didn't have that God given love in our hearts for Samuel this wouldn't have all happened.  But i did!  I happened.  Our son was an orphan and he's not now.  He ate one meal a day and now he eats like 7 and his tummy is full!  Our son had a mother who hated him, and now his mom cherishes his life.  Our son had no one to call daddy and now he adores his new daddy, i mean BIG TIME! Our son lived in filth, chaos, corruption, lies and fear...now he lives with Hope and in a home that loves.  Love goes, it moves, it journeys it DOES!  

God is love, lets do love!

~Blair

**there were thousands of beautiful things about the DRC i cant wait to write about next!!**   

Passport

News!!! After a long delay Samuels passport has been applied for!(Friday) We have no idea how long the passport will take, some say two weeks some say two months, There is really no way to know. The passport is our final step that we need to complete before filing in country. We have to have his passport to go to our embassy appointment.  we hope to travel in the next 3 to 4 weeks let's hope no more plans will change so we can bring our son home! Most of our plans in this adoption journey have not happened as we thought they were going to but this is just part of international adoption!
So passport is applied for and hoping for travel soon!
BRG

Don't give up

Ill try to explain what has happened to us as quick and clear as i can.  About 3 plus weeks ago i got an email with the word DELAYED all over it. Pretty much all adoptions in the DRC must now go through one court.  The DGM (they give you the exit letter to leave the country) and a judge teamed up and decided to make all adoptions go through this one judges court.  They are starting this change in court system one commune at a time and guess what... Samuels commune was the first to go through this switch over. SOOOOOO we had to do many steeps all over...we had to,
pass court again, get BC judgment again, get new BC and do the 30 CONA all over again.

SO as you can imagine we were weeks from travel until this all happened and now we are not.  I cant explain how hard and discouraging this news was and continues to be.  We are continuously told dates and days that things will happen on these dates and days and then they dont.  Our facilitator has told us now for 2 weeks "tomorrow" well apply for passport, but then each day goes by and this doesn't happen.  Our facilitator is wonderful by the way but this is just how things function in the DRC, never on time! The passport is our last step to travel to get our son because we need it for our embassy apt. in the DRC. Its all we need, but it takes anywhere from 2 weeks to 7 weeks or longer depending. So we have NO IDEA what is happening, whats ahead, how to plan, or where well be in 2 weeks we just have NO CLUE. Its hard to try to get airfare, childcare, work covered, in-laws work off, family traveling here ect. there's just NO WAY to plan. Will we be here for Christmas?  NO CLUE.  By no means do I write this to be negative at all just to be honest for those beginning this journey.
A friend who just started her home study had some delays already she asked, "is this normal"?  Anyone reading this who is just starting this process the answer is YES this is normal!  Our delays began in the second month of our adoption journey and we are now on month 18 of our journey and the delays only get bigger so YES expect delays and expect to know NOTHING and expect to have NO CLUE about timing or your future or anything, this is all a part of it!  All part of the gorgeous, mysterious splendor of adoption!

My sweet neighbor asked how things were going and i filled her in a little.  She said, "I bet so many people just give up!" she is SO right but the sad thing is more people give up before they even start the journey of adoption.  I think alot of people have thought about it but then think its to hard, to expensive, takes to long,  I could never do that, its to taxing.  Those things are all true and a part of it for sure! But pleaes don't give up, don't push away what your heart may be saying to you, maybe possibly explore it more, don't let go of a calling, or a dream, or a chance to love another in need.  I think too often our heart speaks but we want to control our lives so badly we just plain wont listen!
My friend sent me pictures and videos last night of our son at his orphanage.  I looked at what he eats,  I see his malnourished tummy, his lost eyes, the filth he lives in, the fungus on his head, the need for love and the lonely life of an orphan and it hits me...HARD,the hardships of adoption we have gone through don't even compare to what my son has lived through.
So don't give up,,,,delays will happen, you will have no control but lets just GO and DO and LIVE out LOVE!

~BRG


James 4:8 "Come near to God and He will come near to you."

It just keeps raining!

So ya know when you adopt from a country like the DRC they say, " you will have delays and set backs and to expect that".  So we did, we prepared for "delays and set backs". Friends who adopted ahead of us explained that to us alot we tried to prepare our minds for this as best we could. We have grown to learn over the past 16 months of what these words actually mean.  So when they say to you in an email
 "those documents SHOULD be done on Monday"      in DRC adoption language this really means,        "your docs wont likely be done until 6 or 7 days after Monday"  :))

when they say,  "i will MOST LIKELY pic up the documents on Friday"  in DRC adoption language this really means     " i might but probably wont pic up the documents on Friday, more like the following Friday"

its funny cause we have grown to learn this...slowly and painfully, but we have.  We have come to learn to add a week or two to potential dates, and look carefully for words like SHOULD and  MOST LIKELY.  Like my hubby said last night, "when we signed up to adopt from the DRC we knew this was pretty much a pilot program."  He is right, but then when the delays and set backs and errors just tend to keep coming and come so hard that you have to go back and re-due 4 major steps it gets real hard, and real uncomfortable and the YUCK inside of me comes out (circumstances dont make me who I am they revel who i am)!
 (we have had to get new court judgment, CONA, birth certificate judgment, and birth certificate)
Ya know what though, some times when it rains it POURS, and pours and pours.  But don't you love that smell of rain when it comes down?!  That fresh crisp smell, a sent of newness, growth and purity.  Your grass gets real green and hey even your pool fills up!  I once heard a real cool quote,
                                                    "rain waters the seeds so they grow!"
Gosh i love that, i could just bathe in all that those words mean for days!  I am that seed and I want to grow!  So Lord let the rain keep A-coming and do as you may cause I need to grow and don't ever wanna stop growing!
Lots of hard news lately for us in our adoption process... expected stuff-yes... hard- YES very!  Growth through it and because of it...a pure gift from God!
If this little man named Samuel in the DRC sleeping in an orphanage right now had any idea how much his little life has already changed ours I think he'd be real happy!

HE has allowed my plans to be lost, so that HIS can be found.  He allows my pain to make room for trust, trust to bring peace, and peace......oh peace to bring pure JOY.
Love, BRG

do you see that little man running in these clouds? REAL cool!
  lets move, lets go, lets live, lets love!

Next up

So our CONA (certificate of none appeal) is over, clap clap clap yeahhhhh! This is a 30 day wait period for any family or relative to have a "last call" to claim Samuel, no one did that we know, we are still waiting on this paper work to be sent to us.
Also waiting on...
Birth Certificate
Passport
Embassy apt.
Visa medical apt.
exit letter
FLY HOME!

When i think about the fact that no one came to claim Samuel I am filled with Joy as i have fallen deeply in love with my son.  Is this joy selfish though? i struggle with this CONA... my heart akes for him.  No one came for him.  He was left.  Alone.  No one to provide for him.  No one showed up.  No one appealed for him.  No one.
All these words come into my head when i think about this CONA time being over.  He is a true orphan, no living parents that we know of.  He needs someone to come for him, he needs someone to claim him as their own, he needs to be appealed for, he needs someone to run to him with open arms and pour out a deep, intimate crazy love into his little life.
Oh but don't we all!  We are all so much like little 23 pound Samuel.  We need to be found, we need to be rescued, we need to be brought home, we need to go from being lost to found!
I thank God each day that HE does this for each of us, he pursues us with an everlasting love, with a plan, a purpose for our lives, a hope for a future and a deep love that outlasts all other!

Am i SO glad our CONA is over and he is still our son? YES
Does it hurt my heart in other ways though? YES
Selfish joy, not sure, a love that "does" YES!  He once was lost but NOW...soon will be FOUND!

Psalm 23:6
"Your beauty and love chase after me all the days of my life."
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